& the World Spins Madly On.

He wanted to be a firefighter.

That's the part that really gets me, every time.

He wanted to be someone that saved us from the flames of life; our rescuer from Hell itself. He wanted to be our fighter, our saviour, the one we needed. He wanted to be the hero.

On June 3rd, he was the one that needed saving. Now he's gone, and the world is still spinning madly on. There's a whisper of regret and a flash of pain in the air; there's a tear falling from every cheek and a grimace covering every face. There's the awful stench of goodbyes and the blinding light of starting over. But for some people, this isn't enough to change the ways things are.

Down the street, a kid pays his respects and then drinks the night away.

Across the town, another one whispers, "I miss you" and then pops his coveted bottle of pills.

Everywhere is full of empty promises of change and lessons learned.

But somewhere there is a hero watching, ready to save you from yourself.

Please, let Devon Turner be your hero. Let him save you from the flames of death and destruction and stop hurting yourself and the ones around you. Be responsible, be safe, learn from this.

Let Devon Turner be what he wanted to be. Let him be the hero.

Rest in peace, Devon Turner. You are missed.

The Stairs

Sophomore year has been amazing - I've learned much more than dimensional analysis or how to write a strong thesis statement; more than iteration or statistics; more than how to use ArcMap or speak past-tense in Spanish. I've discovered that I harbor a secret love for chemistry; that the feeling of hitting a tennis ball on the exact edge of the line is a great one; that a photo can be twisted and morphed to say as much as words can. I've found that most goodbyes, however sad, are only temporary; that second chances come by when you need them most; that relationships are made of both laughter and strife. All in all, this has been a year full of learning - both about people and about ourselves. This has been the year of The Stairs.

The Stairs have become a symbol - they are, in essence, sophomore year. They are the place we have congregated to time and time again; the place where laughter has abounded and secrets have been traded. They are the location of hundreds of jokes; the place where last minute homework was completed and conversations of all types were held. They are a symbol of love and friendship; of hard work and good times; a symbol of how far we've all come in the past year.

Thanks to The Stairs, I know now that life is more fun when you sing to all the songs on the radio; that a 4.0 GPA is nice, but that driving around with your best friends in the middle of the night is priceless. I know now that trips to VI outwiegh trips anywhere else; that ramen tastes better when it's made at midnight; that distance doesn't wear relationships out, but strengthens them. I've learned that even tables at fancy restaurants aren't what they seem to be; that conversations in code are the best kind; that the best nights are the ones you can't tell your parents about. I've experienced firsthand the stress of balancing theatre, music, sports, and more; I've gone everywhere from prom to Mormon dances. I've been to late nights at Perkins and late nights at Hy-Vee; I've forked lawns in the early morning and walked cemetaries in the dead of night. It feels like this year, the year of The Stairs, I have done everything.

In the past few months, The Stairs have opened up a new way of life for me - a life where nothing matters but having a good time. They've strengthened relationships and they've created new ones out of seemingly nothing. They've taught me how to organize my priorities; how to look at life from here on out. I honestly think that The Stairs, symbolism and all, have made my life take a turn for the better; and it's a feeling I like. I really do.

So here's to The Stairs - the relationships we've formed, the times we've had, the people we've become. Here's to whatever comes next.

Summer 2009:

1) Get my license.

2) Get a job.

3) Edit/order my NaNoWriMo novel.

4) Figure out my schedule for next year.

5) Start on NHD 2010!

6) Spend a day at the Rockford Rock Quarry.

7) Ditto Adventureland.

8) Ditto Lost Island.

9) Find Flagland.

10) Get Jodi Picoult's new book, "Handle with Care."

11) Go to at least one show.

12) Frequent the Lampost.

13) Have a "Murder is a Game" reunion!

14) Do an evil scheme.

15) Submit something for Big Fat Prize.

16) Have a billion-plus Village Inn trips.

17) See Nicole :] <3

18) Get service hours.

19) Have a second camping trip with the posse.

20) Force Heidi to take me on a photoshoot.

21) Have a tea party!

22) Actually decorate my room.

23) Take voice lessons from Mr. Grau.

24) Finish at least three chapters for Anatomy.

25) Ditto Scientific Latin.

26) Get better at photography (especially people).

27) Read some "classic literature."

28) Hang out with as many as my friends as often as humanly possible. 

29) Not waste a single moment.

and

30) Have the best summer yet.

There. That sounds like a good start.

Happy Mother's Day,

"mom."

The Life.

the feeling of summer, tennis meets, waverly, bus rides, eating out, hy-vee trips, village inn, hilarious stories, driving around, "livin' the dream!", code names, sleepovers, night walks, hanging out, inside jokes, the lampost, getting text messages during school, birthday parties, "ballin'!", prom, attractive fire fighters, staying up too late, sleeping all day, long car rides, hotels, perkins at five in the morning, laughing so hard it hurts, visits from friends in far away places, matchmaking, potential prom dates,"jealousssssss!", chivalry, boy bashing, spaghetti night, finishing a great book, first and second place, cyber defense champions, intense games of spoons, five-day weekends, shows, mormon dances, falconPUNCH!, history day state finalist, yogurt jokes, the cedar falls cops, picking up the change!, THE MOSH PIT, a good hug from a great friend, happiness.

I try so hard,

yet somehow it's never enough.

The American Dream?

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.""
"It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the
destiny of a nation."
"I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood."
"It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail
toward freedom through the darkest of nights."
"I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice."
"It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and
pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness."
"I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers."
"It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the
ballot; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land."
"I have a dream."
"Yes we can."

I have a dream: yes we can.

----------------

When asked to define the American Dream, one gets a lot of different responses.
"Success, fame and wealth through thrift and hard work."
"Freedom for all."
"To be what I want to be when I was young."
"For all my dreams to come true."
"To live better than our parents did."
"To be number one."
And however rarely,
"To be happy."

But really, what is the American Dream?
I guess it's different for everyone.

In "Death of a Salesman", Willy Loman's American Dream is to be successful - to be well-liked. To come out number one in the hearts of his boys and the heart of his business, a life he never achieves.
In 30 Days on Minimum Wage, Morgan's American Dream is just to survive. To be able to live the life that so many Americans are forced to live with barely enough money to make it, a life he finds himself unable to live.
In Jason Smith's story, his American Dream came true. He went from the depths of the poor neighborhoods he once roamed to the top of the charts for football. He worked hard, and in the end, it payed off - all his dreams came true.
In The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris's American Dream also comes true. Like Jason, he goes from the very bottom to the very top - but not without going falling along the way. His hard work pays off, and he ends up a multimillionaire - a life he most certainly deserves.
In Caroline's story, her American Dream fails. She works hard, but she never gets anywhere. Forced to work in a Walmart stock room, being paid less than minimum wage, her American Dream never even had a chance - all because she didn't have any teeth.

So even though the American Dream may be different for everyone, it's obvious that not everyone achieves it. But why? Why don't we? Why is it that only some of us end up being successful and happy, and the rest of us don't?
I think I know why.

We all grew up being told, "You can be anything you want to be, as long as you set your mind to it. Just work hard, and remember: reach for the moon, and even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

But honestly, it's not that simple. Life doesn't always just depend on us. There are things we cannot control, and sometimes no matter how hard you try to overcome them, you just can't.

In The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Gardner overcame his troubles. But he didn't do it alone. If you look close enough, you'll see the help and guidance from a thousand different people - the three bosses who gave him the job; the man who told him he could be a stockbroker; his wife, for a while at least. Chris worked extremel hardy to get where he is, and he deserved it more than anyone - but he had help. Some people don't get that help.

Like Caroline. She can't afford dental care, and she has no teeth. She has a family to provide for, and a minimum wage job that's a twenty-minute commute...on foot. She tries so hard...yet where is her American Dream?

My stepmom Shari started out as co-partner of one hair salon. Years later, she was the CEO of Redken Hair Products. She went to a four-year university, and many other workers had much higher education than her. She tells me to work hard, and that my dreams will come true too. She says it happens everywhere - take the Obamas, for example.

Michelle Obama grew up in a house with only one spoon. Now, she goes to third-grade classrooms and says to them, "You can be anything you want to be." Is that wrong of her? To tell third-grade kids that the world out there stops for no one? That sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can't get there?

I guess this brings to my next point: hope. My stepmom asked me today if it is wrong of Michelle Obama to tell those third-graders that they can be anything they want to be. "Is it wrong to give them hope?" she accuses me.

Hope.

"In the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope."

Hope.
We haven't had it for so long, but now that we do, can the American Dream become a reality for all?

We had hope once, in the form of a dream. A dream that came true. One man's dream for freedom and equality for all. He had a dream, and it came true not just for him, but for America.

Now, we have a new dream. The dream that everyone can be successful, be happy, be whatever they want to be. It's a dream for the Carolines of the world; it's a dream for the Chris Gardners too. It's a dream infused with hope that someday it will happen - that someday, it won't be a dream anymore. The American Dream.

I have a dream.
The American Dream.
But I can't do it alone.
I need the help of everyone - we all do.
Can we do it?
Can we make it came true?
Yes we can.

I have a dream: yes we can.